On days like today,
i really wonder what is the true meaning of wearing that flight suit.

yes i know it's the critical thinking.
the skills behind that flight suit.
but i really wonder,
what is my main job?
what do i find joy in doing?

flying, being in the air, yes.
what keeps me going in life so far, flying.

i dont feel that joy anymore.
not that i lost joy in flying,
but it's that there's something tying me down.
i know if i go fly,
something on the ground will bite me so hard.
like today.
i cannot afford to fly.
i cannot spare time to find joy in my life.
not this week especially.

i really need to find someone to talk to.
all i can do now,
keep telling myself to press on.
even if im not doing what i enjoy,
at least make something happen for everyone else to benefit.
i cannot be weak.
not right now.