hey world.

its been long since i last visited this page.

and yeah suddenly i find it a need to find sth to pen my thoughts down.

and so i figured, yeah this is it.

anw, JCC is finally over.

the entire brunei package is over.

and it was a awakening call for me.

in some way or another.

lets just start with being there for the first few days.

i knew what i wanted to accomplish in brunei.

and it was not the first few days.

it was the JCC.

well, who wasnt feeling that way.

and so the first few days didnt go too well.

had my rashes out of nowhere.

sweating like hell every minute the sun was out.

trying to catch my breath after every exercise.

just the first few days alone made me feel weak.

the feeling of "how the fuk am i gonna survive JCC."

everyday in brunei was a mad rush.

at some point u wont understand what was happening.

i cursed and sweared at everything.

i was basically feeling shyt.

as the days go by, it got better.

the 2 days before JCC was not tat great.

i was still trying to recover from my rashes/itch.

all the lectures and prep talks for JCC all kept coming.

something like a morale booster, but i rarely felt it.

i just wanted to get it over and done with.

finally JCC started.

everyone was hyped up.

for some reason when i was reciting the ranger's water parade lines,

i felt emotional.

and i was not the only one (i only found out few days later)

and everything just started.

just within the first 2 hours of the first day.

i was soaked in the heavy rain.

everything was wet.

and the feeling was not good at all.

worst is.

i couldnt even plot.

so how the fuk are we going to navigate through the forest.

yeah and so,

first day ended in quite a bad note.

we were lost at some point.

we had to go back to a single known point for more than 5 times.

and sometimes we were even lost after trying to backtrack for 50m.

the first day,

i already felt unhappy about some stuff.

but i chose to keep it to myself first.

the 2nd day was not any better.

although the start was good,

somehow hitting the stream continuously was totally depressing.

as usual, we found a UNKNOWN checkpoint.

and got lost there.

really screwed up our plans for any hopes of completing navigation fast.

and some bad decision making didnt really help.

my detail ended up sleeping downslope beside ridgeline.

totally no flat ground to sleep.

no place to start fire.

no place to feel the dryness.

the whole night was a total disaster.

day 3, start of never-ending walk.

moral is high, and everything was going quite well.

no idea why but there was this anxiety.

to finish the whole walk FAST.

somehow, we got lost AGAIN.

and this time,

with almost everyone we know of.

but it's during this night.

i finally realised some things about the detail.

and some people's way of thinking.

next day was pure endurance.

its up and down, up and down.

and WE GOT LOST.

i dont unds y we can get lost every single day.

until some point in time.

i felt like burning down the whole forest.

and the day didnt end exactly well.

our detail is like falling apart.

the only time when all of us felt relieved,

is when we finally reached our objective.

and kick start our survival phase.

people say survival phase is the best time to reflect on your life.

for me,

NO.

its just continuously building.

to build the best shelter for myself.

and so it wasnt really enjoyment.

it was only the satisfaction i had.

when the entire shelter was complete.

the days spent alone was bad.

totally drenched even when temporary shelter,

freezing in the rain,

killing.

all i know is,

i start to appreciate little things in life.

like the breeze during mid day.

the sun shining near my shelter (can dry my items)

the dry ground i had,

and even the cloudy days.

i didnt care about whatever image.

all i wanted was to find any way.

to make me feel comfortable in the most uncomfortable environment.

the final day i thought would be a breeze.

turned out it wasnt.

it was the time when true colors of everyone surfaced.

i am glad my detail didnt have much issue,

just that some of them were irresponsible.

in taking care of themselves.

it was really pure motivation for everyone.

somehow, i felt a need to be the one standing up.

rally everyone to the finishing point.

and indeed, it was worthwhile.

somehow my detail was the first team to arrive.

hahahah

so what have i really learnt?

a lot.

decision making.

everyday i had to make one.

whether to stop, whether to continue.

where to harbour.

what i know is, decisions are hard to make.

especially pleasing decisions.

i cant possibly please everyone.

so the best thing to do is,

do what is right and best for everyone's interest.

be firm with the decision.

it may be wrong, but at least it is not misguided.

next, comfort.

out in the wild, we have to find our own comfort.

there is no such thing as bed or pillow,

or even a heater.

whatever we wna have,

we have to make it ourselves.

it may be tiring and troublesome,

but small comfort can go a long way.

next, mind over body.

being negative doesnt solve any problem.

it will only worsen.

staying positive not only make you think better,

but also feel better.

sometimes you have no idea how much u have left,

until you really gave it your all.

during climbing of mountains especially.

i see the height, i feel like giving up.

but seeing others going up too, i know i can do it.

just needa keep pushing myself.

mind controls the body.

the worst i learnt, is human nature.

not everyone knows how to share.

only at toughest times,

you will naturally reveal yourself.

i saw my frens' details fall apart.

heard of instances of selfish people and how they act.

its fucked up, but cant be blamed.

you want to survive, others too.

so do what is best for urself becomes a natural instinct.

what i like about the entire brunei trip,

is really what i learnt.

everything in life is very complex.

that's y most of us are not contented with what we have.

only when everything is taken away from you,

you will then start to realise,

living under a shelter is already a luxury.

food to eat, water to drink, friends to talk to.

that's all it mattered most.

be contented with what i have,

and make the best out of what i have.

instead of complaining what i do not have.

and true enough, when i came back to sg,

i have this sense of enlightenment.

what i have is more than enough.

learn to be contented.

learn to appreciate little things in life.

be more grounded.

and NEVER POINT FINGERS.

as a leader especially,

you cant be biased.

or let your emotions get the better of you.

in a team, everyone contributes,

just in different ways.

appreciate their efforts, and not despise them.

and now, i feel like i can accomplish anything.

=))

and also, the thoughts of signing on army surfaced again.

mayb i shld really give it a serious consideration....

and i think i am addicted to war movies.

what i can learn from it.

war is really cruel.

soldiers at our level are not fighting for the nation,

but rather fighting for each other in the battlefield.

that's y comradeship is so important.

and that is y i love charlie wing.

it feels like a home to me.

well, time to sleep.