its never gone .

its a new year now .
a brand new year .
its time for new twist .
time for new things .

BUT NOT FOR ME .

i really hoped myself to give it up .
hoped so much .
cause it just hurts when i know .
the truth .
the reality .
i reali thought of suiciding .
ending my life .
my mind is flashing with many images .
so many images .
of you .
its all my own fault .
i am the foolish one .
but cant anyone stop this fool ?
stop him .
before he does something wrong .
but then again .
nothing can stop him .
nothing .
not anymore .

my new year resolution :
its never changed .
you should know .
and what i can say is .
my resolution is impossible .
all i pray now is .
i can get over it myself .
or maybe .
death is the only way for me to end my torment .
this thought is worse than any other nightmare .
it haunts me .
even until now .
eveyone tried to cheer me up .
everything around me started to be lively .
but i am the one .
that is the odd one out .
i admit .
even if my behaviour changed .
even if my appearance changed .
as long as my feelings and thoughts remained .
i am still .
a failure .

just treat me as a fool .
to keep deceiving myself .

everytime i saw her .
the photos she took .
the joy on her face .
it pleases me .
but also .
it makes me feel so sorrow .
because .
its obvious .
i am the willing party .
she isnt .
i am sinking deeper .

deep down inside .
i still loved you .
i am dying .
slowly .
but surely .
i am turning into a heartless creature .








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