There's something i had wanted to say.

i cant bring myself to be that best friend in your life anymore.

If you ask me if i treated you as my best friend, YES. ALWAYS HAVE. No one would know how i really felt in my life. Everytime i face issues, or when something good happens in my life, the first person i want to share with is you. Your opinions matter most. Whenever something good or bad happens in your life, believe me, it affects me. Sometimes i looked fking silly whenever i suddenly smile or laugh during work because of something you said.

And then i realised, here's the problem. You've become someone i depend so much in my life, someone more than a best friend.

i used to think "yeah, i can be supportive, i probably overthink". But ever since someone else entered your life, i realised i cant do it anymore. You asked me why i cannot be supportive like the past, why i dont want to meet him. Because im biased. I cannot be that best friend in your life right now that supports this decision. I cannot say i love you as a best friend without overthinking it.

sorry.

if he is indeed the person for you, go ahead. My biased opinion wont matter and shouldnt matter.

it takes a great deal to say this, because i know i might lose someone i love in my life. I wished i could meet you again and tell you in person, or even tell you before you leave the country over the weekend. It just didnt happen. And i didnt want to ruin your weekend (maybe it wouldnt. idk). But i rather say it now, then to leave it status quo. I dont want to keep thinking of you halfway round the world and be so helpless anymore. I will keep my distance from you from now till I'm ready. And maybe 6 months later, after i come back for real, I can be that old friend in your life again, nothing else.

just not now.
because i still love you.