its never gone .

[[ written on 12.10am , 21st dec ]]

argh .
my mom sucks .
totally lame .
opposite my idea .
i told her .
i going buy shirt somewhere .
den she say .
buy those collar de .
NVm .
den say .
must tuck in .
O.O
wtf la .
crazy or ??
it looks like wad i wan to wear .
she just wont get it .
she still wants me to be like ancient male .
like wad my father used to wear liddat .
OMG .

somemore .
when i told her i wan go da er dong .
she say .
discouragement .
say look like gerl .
say like ah beng .
v.violent .
OMG .
wad to do now /?
i alrd did it .
don care her la .
she still say .
i da 1 tym .
den nxt tym .
will be full house .
crazy .
i still got NCC leh .
wan me to die ?

this incident tell me .
my mom is still living in a different dimension from me .
it will take some more time for her to know .
i chgned .
although it will take quite long .
and I HOPE my father can quickly accept it as well .
den i will hab no prob liao .
=)

zzzz .
todae total boring day .
whole day play com .
somemore is like playing solitaire whole day .
non stop .
cause no internet ma .
sian lor .
sis bug me go see singnet plan liao .
den can try fixing connecion to wireless .
den swee swee .
her com n mine can use at the same time liao .
convenient .
=)

i keep playing today .
at the same time .
keep thinking bout her .
whether she okay outside .
whether she was happy or sad .
whether ..
in all .
just everything .
but all i have from her .
is a pathetic 2 sms .
suan le .
tis may mean she bz or sth .
or simply .
she just dont want to talk to me .

wo bu xiang zai you mood swing le .
i whole day .
can laugh 1 moment .
can cry out another moment .
song reali chgn my mood and my thoughts sia .
but ..
the moment i think about the past .
i just sit there .
looking at my table .
heart starting to ache .
head start to pain .
withdrawal symptom i guess .
or maybe punishment for me .
for keep persisting on .
even though i have no chance .

i really want to ask things .
want to clarify everything .
i really hope for a answering machine .
that can answer me all my questions .
so that i can stop thinking about anything .
and i mean ANYTHING .
how good or bad it can be .
IT CAN BE .

sian diao liao la .
another problem start to spring up le .
how to get $$ to buy things this friday .
mom sure wont gib more 1 .
den own acc only got $$50 .
wan work karsan took my shift .
sian liao la .
nan dao zhen de yao zi ji zhao ma ?
sian .
suan le .


[[ the deeper the love is ; the deeper the misery is ]]